Spiritual Emergence

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In 1981 I was sitting in meditation when, just for an instant, a bolt of lightning flashed through my mind. I began acting so unlike my normal self that a friend brought me to a hospital, afraid I was going crazy. Though I was let out of that hospital after three days, the experiences that began to unfold were so overwhelming that I was hospitalized a number of other times during that first year. I was diagnosed as having had a severe psychotic break and was told that I had a chemical imbalance and had manic-depressive illness. I was put on lithium, and at times, haldol (an anti-psychotic). I was told I would have to live with my illness for the rest of my life.

I was one of the lucky ones, as I was able to extricate myself from the medical and psychiatric establishment. Little did the doctors realize that I was taking part in some sort of spiritual awakening/shamanic initiation process, which at times mimicked psychosis but in actuality was an experience of a far different order. In 1993, after many years of struggling to contain and integrate my experiences, I started to teach about what I was realizing. I am now in private practice, assisting others who were spiritually emerging and beginning to wake up to the dreamlike nature of reality. In a dream come true, psychiatrists consult with me and send me patients.

In ancient wisdom cultures it was understood that there were certain individuals whose craziness was the sign of a passage into a higher consciousness. They realized that the person needed to be both honored and supported in their process. They knew that the person who passes through this process successfully and becomes an accomplished shaman, healer, or teacher, returns bearing incredible gifts and blessings of wisdom and healing for everyone. To quote the noted author Ken Wilber “Though the temporary unbalance precipitated by such a crisis may resemble a nervous breakdown, it cannot be dismissed as such. For it is not a pathological phenomena but a normal event for the gifted mind in these societies, when struck by and absorbing the force of the realization of ‘something far more deeply infused’ inhabiting both the round earth and one’s own interior.”

I had been doing Buddhist meditation for over a year when that lightning bolt went off inside of my brain. Within a day or two I felt like Alice who had fallen through the looking glass, finding myself “drafted” and playing a role in a deeper, mythic process, what Jung would call a “divine drama,” where everything was permeated with a deep symbolic meaning.

I felt totally unselfconscious and amazingly free. I felt the creative energy of the universe flowing through me; I was dancing on the living forefront of the Big Bang itself, where every moment was creative, magical and totally new. My kundalini was exploding; it was like a billion watts of electricity were flowing through a seventy five watt bulb.

It was like my mind had spilled out from inside of my skull and was manifesting and expressing itself synchronistically through events in the seemingly outer environment. What was happening in the seemingly outer world was magically related to what was going on inside of me. The boundary between dreaming and waking, between inner and outer, and between my self in here and your self out there, was dissolving. It was as if I had become lucid and was waking up inside of a dream.

I knew without a doubt that I was going through a deep spiritual experience, no one could possibly convince me otherwise; this was the key that saved my sanity. I felt that the more people I thought about, the more people I was able to “bring along” with me, so I began imagining the whole universe. The experience was so overwhelming that I had no choice but to surrender and let go. I wasn’t attached in my usual way to what the outcome was going to be. I was simply trusting the experience, which was clearly not only the right thing to do, but was the only thing I could do.

A spiritual awakening is almost always precipitated by a severe emotional or spiritual crisis; it oftentimes organically grows out of unresolved abuse issues from childhood- this was certainly true in my case. In a fully-flowered spiritual emergence, you magically discover how to transmute these symptoms and wounds into the blessings that they are.

To people still absorbed in the collective, mainstream trance and having membership in the consensus reality, my behavior looked totally bizarre and was very threatening. It was, I’m sure, a very difficult and problematic situation for those closest to me, as they weren’t able to understand what I was going through, as it was so far off their map of reality. Painfully, most of my friends and family were very judgemental and bought into the doctors diagnosis that I had a mental illness, as this was their way of “explaining” what was happening to me that fit into their very limited, comfortable view of the world. In the words of the late psychiatrist R. D. Laing, “Attempts to wake before our time are often punished, especially by those who love us most. Because they, bless them, are asleep. They think anyone who wakes up, or who, still asleep, realizes that what is taken to be real is a ‘dream’ is going crazy.”

The experiences and realizations were so mind-blowing, literally, that at certain points I was having trouble “keeping it together,” as my whole personality structure was melting and disintegrating, all orchestrated towards some mysterious, unknown destination where everything was clearly being integrated into a higher and more psychoactive center. Oftentimes my actions looked from the outside like typical psychotic behavior.

For example, one time I threw out all of my fathers many medications, as I felt that he really didn’t need them, as he could just tap right into the source of healing itself. At other times, I wanted to break my eyeglasses, as I felt that I didn’t need them to see, and felt they were doing more harm to my eyes than good.

One time, after I was acting so crazy that my father flew me back home to New York, he woke up from his nights sleep only to find me doing prostrations to him. Later on that morning I went out to the middle of the busy intersection near my parents apartment and was bowing to the oncoming cars, as I was recognizing that everything was the Divine.

From my point of view, I was realizing, or should I say, it was being revealed to me, that every moment was the unmediated expression of God, what I call the Goddessence. I remember turning on the radio and every voice I heard on the radio was the voice of this Goddessence. Every person I was seeing was the Goddessence him or herSelf. It seemed curious and even confusing to me that everybody seemed to buy into and be so caught up in such limited, contracted identity states, as if they were pretending and really seemed to believe that they weren’t Divine.

When you are spiritually emerging you are literally going through an archetypal death-rebirth experience, which is about nothing other than the death and transcendence of the separate self. I was having a radical shift of identity, where I was beginning to realize my unity with the whole of creation. I remember feeling that anything that had ever been invented, discovered, or created (including the whole cosmos), the “I” who I had now discovered myself to be, had done. This realization is not understandable and makes no sense as long as one is under the spell of the intellect, but was appearing to me with the force of a revelation. What I was seeing seemed totally obvious, as if I was genuinely seeing the truth for the first time. In fact I was beginning to realize who I, as well as everyone, genuinely was, which was simultaneously nothing (not a thing that can be seen as an object) and at the same time, everything.

During these experiences I got to meet and intimately connect with some of the greatest enlightened masters of both Tibet and Burma, who, like I was in a Fairy Tale, became my teachers and guides. True miracles, experiences that were completely impossible, stuff that could only happen in dreams, began happening. Any limited conceptualizations I had about the nature of the universe were being totally shattered.

Due to the ecstacy and exhiliration of the experience, there is a real temptation, like the mythic Icarus, to fly too high, which is only to set yourself up for a corresponding fall. During these experiences it is of the utmost importance to be as grounded as possible. The great psychiatrist C. G. Jung understood the importance of this during his “Confrontation with the Unconscious.” He used to keep pictures of his family around, so he could remember that he was, in his words, “an actually existing, ordinary person.”

Jung understood very well that one of the greatest dangers that you encounter during this experience is to become inflated, thinking that you are someone special. You become identified with the archetype instead of relating to it from the standpoint of a conscious human ego. You’ve literally gotten swallowed up and possessed by the deeper, more powerful transpersonal forces, falling totally into your unconscious. You can become truly insane, thinking, for example, that only you are Christ or Buddha, instead of recognizing that we’re all Christ or Buddha. This is the difference between someone who is truly mentally ill, who could be said to be drowning in the stormy ocean of the unconscious, compared to an accomplished mystic, who is being nurtured and nourished by swimming, surfing and snorkling in the healing waters of their psyche.

Jung understood that the thing which swings the balance one way or the other is the human egos capacity to confront and relate in a conscious way to these transpersonal forces. This is why creative work, in which you channel and transmute these deeper, very powerful, archetypal energies, is of the utmost importance.

At a certain point, the entire ordeal reveals itself to be an initiation for actualizing and giving expression to your true genius, or daimon, which is none other than your inner voice, guiding spirit and unfabricated true nature, which has never been lost. Like in a déjà vu, you remember, or discover your unique calling, your true vocation as a Bodhisattva who is here to help other beings. You become a master creative multi-dimensional artist whose canvas is life itself.

Of course, another great danger, which I can talk about from personal experience, is to wind up in the clutches of and be diagnosed and medicated by the medical, psychiatric community, who typically have no understanding of phenomena such as spiritual emergences. One psychiatrist even diagnosed me as having the same illness as Freuds infamous “Rat Man,” saying I would need three years of intensive psychotherapy and then I would be cured! To again quote Laing, “Anyone in this transitional state is likely to be confused. To indicate that this confusion is a sign of illness, is a quick way to create psychosis….A psychiatrist who professes to be a healer of souls, but who keeps people asleep, treats them for waking up and drugs them asleep again….helps to drive them crazy.”

My final hospitalization was in September of l982, when I was flown back to New York and put in a hospital for three weeks. Instead of seeing them as a mistake that was made, I’ve been able to see the perfection of all that has happened. I now understand that the hospitalizations were in fact an aspect of the awakening; they were part of my journey to the underworld. There is a sense of accepting and embracing whatever has happened in my life, realizing it is all an initiation into the deeper mystery of my infinite and unspeakably magical being.

This is not to say that there is not something called mental illness. I do wonder, though, how many cases of mental illness are actually spiritual emergences gone sour. We, as a society, need to recognize the existence of genuine spiritual emergences and learn to differentiate them from cases of psychosis. Thankfully, there is now even a small paragraph in the psychiatrists DSM IV Book (their diagnostic manual) titled “Spiritual or Religious Problem.” Might it be that we’re all at different stages of the spiritual emergence process?

A pioneer in the field of spiritual emergence, Paul Levy is a healer in private practice, assisting others who are also awakening to the dreamlike nature of reality. Paul is also a visionary artist and a spiritually-informed political activist. He is the author of The Madness of George Bush: A Reflection of Our Collective Psychosis,which is available on his website www.awakeninthedream.com. (See the first chapter, The Madness of George W. Bush: A Reflection of our Collective Psychosis). Please feel free to pass this article along to a friend if you feel so inspired. You can contact Paul at paul@awakeninthedream.com; he looks forward to your reflections. © Copyright 2010

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78 Responses to Spiritual Emergence

  1. I feel it, it started for me two nights ago. I was at a party and had already spent the weekend feeling good, enjoying every moment and feeling no lack. So I got to this party to continue enjoying myself, now I was drinking alcohol and I may have done drugs but it wasn’t a drunk/high I’ve ever felt before.

    I felt free and open, so open it would be embarrassing for the average asleep. There was that confessional aspect that somebody else mentioned. I did not hold myself back anymore and it came from such a pure place, a place of love. I’ve tapped into such a love, a connection that I could cry. I’m finally able to speak my truth.

    But then fear struck the next evening. I’d had such a brilliant experience but then worry set in and things got dark. I started down a path of self loathing and thinking I must be psychotic and that I need to be medicated. I sought help from friends, my higher self and my guides and I think that helped me to remember the love and start to let the fear go.

    I’m embracing it and I know it’s all going to be ok for us all. We’ve got this :-)

  2. I had a spiritual break down,recently.
    It left me very weak,and unable to preach.
    I am lead asst pastor of a church.
    I preach teach and help the sr. pastor with some of the day today tasks.
    I need prayer.
    Please pray that I get strong again,so I can do what I love is to preach again, and help the sr. pastor out again.
    Thanks for praying.

  3. Good experience! I have a dream of waking up my psychic potential for a long time, but don’t still find the right steps. Luckily, I find your article today. It enlightens my mind a lot. I know that to reach the final destination, it takes much time and effort. Hope to see your other nice blogs next time!

  4. Hello paul,
    I found a article of yours online following typing into google ‘spiritual awakening hallucinations ‘
    Let me quickly run through my story with you of how my now apparent spiritual awakening came to be…..
    I gave birth to my first baby in january 2016, i had a somewhat traumatic/problematic birthing experiance, but remember at the time feeling little to no pain, without a doubt i was being helped by a higher realm. Id had a big blood loss which resulted in a blood transfusion. I was very traumatised by my experiance.
    I felt like i was in a dark cave of constant fear, a fear of dying. My mind was taken over with thoughts, pictures of myself dying. I felt like id never be happy again, disconnected from the world. I was put on fluoxetine when my baby was just 3 days old. I took them as i felt i owed it to my baby, my family to get better.
    I had a natural strong erge to want to learn about natural healing, i didnt want the tablets.
    I became thirsty for spiritual wisdom i couldnt explain why, i was searching for happiness and the meaning of life.
    An experiance i had and still have to this day are hallucinations upon waking up.
    Almost a year on and ive seen images made up of particles of light every time upon waking or relaxing my mind.
    I see these with my own 2 eyes, not minds eye.
    I didnt know what it was i was seeing until researching.
    The first symbol i saw was a nordic rune for protection.
    The tree of life
    The lotus flower to name a few.
    If you could give any insight into my experiance it would be greatly appreciated.
    I must add, ive never been alarmed of frightened by what ive seen. Its a calm energy.

    I hope to hear from you soon

    My email address is nofxgirl86@hotmail.com

  5. This message is for Elsa on her post in April: You have very good questions. Perhaps it would help if you research Post-Traumatic Growth and Post-Traumatic Growth Inventory (measures the difference), and Integral Theory by Ken Wilber. I believe that this is a good start to help you find some answers as it would take too much space here to supply you with some. With diligence, you will reap the rewards. Strength and peace in all of your struggles.

  6. ive had a very similar expierience, where i ended up being forced to go on lithium but my intuition told me to stop as soon as i was able to and i did, i told everyone i wasn’t taking that shit …..
    id like to get in contact with you because i have a lot of information id like to share and learn about, i had taken mushrooms, and then got beat up while i was on my trip ( i had a very spiritual trip on Egypt etc.
    then my boyfriends mom drove me to the psych ward and i was stuck in this institution for a month……. very awful experience.. but I’m into shamanic stuff and other things too just learning right now but ….. feel free to email me if you see this at
    or anyone for that matter who has similar experiences id like to get connected and share stories.


  7. I find your articles very interesting and admire Jung’s approach regarding the shadow.

    No doubt, your spiritual experience had a profound effect on you.

    My questions to you are :

    1. How do you know for sure you don’t have a mental illness when feelings you are ‘special’ often confuse reality ?
    Personally, who wants to admit they have a mental illness? This is one of the hardest things to do as it’s feels better to believe we connect to a greater power than admit we aren’t coping with life and need help.

    2. If you are not taking lithium, how do you stay well and free from mood swings? Have you had a recurrence of symptoms?

    3. How do you get along with your family now? This is a good indicator of your mental health – if you reject them for example, this is not a good sign.

    4. Are you concerned that people who are really mentally ill may choose to believe that they have a mystical experience than face the reality (that they need medication and life skills to remain balanced)

    If any question is too personal, I apologise in advance.

  8. I have finally found my people. I didn’t know there were others like me, and I am so joyous that I am not alone. I sometimes find it difficult to contain my joy, and the profound peace that I feel.

    I’m so happy for everyone that finds this peace. This world is abundant and beautiful.

    Like so many of you folks, I was ready to throw it all away. I was ruled by anxiety and apathy, to the point I was hospitalized twice for suicide attempts. Later, I was involved in a car accident that by all accounts should’ve killed me. When I awoke from unconsciousness, my true consciousness arrived. It was always there, but I fought it presence, and I couldn’t fight it any longer. When help arrived, I was interrogated because I was so calm. Police and EMTs were concerned that I either had a terrible head injury or that I was intoxicated with drugs or alcohol. The truth was that I felt the best I had in my entire life. I had broken bones, glass lodged into my skin, and a neck that was incredibly painful. Both of those attempts were named as an “agitated mania”. arrived I do think there is truth in that statement. I was having a profound experience, and doing everything I could to squash my experience, and to pretend it wasn’t real.

    Later, I was involved in a car accident that by all accounts should’ve killed me. When I awoke from unconsciousness, my true consciousness arrived. It was always there, but I fought it presence, and I couldn’t fight it any longer. When help arrived, I was interrogated because I was so calm. Police and EMTs were concerned that I either had a terrible head injury or that I was intoxicated with drugs or alcohol. The truth was that I felt the best I had in my entire life. I had broken bones, glass lodged into my skin, and a neck that was incredibly painful.

    I channeled that energy everywhere but where it belonged. I was trying to avoid the real work, the work that makes every moment worthwhile.

    I am grateful for all of you being here, and sharing this incredible experience with me.

  9. When I was 41, my mother had suddenly passed as I was left without family or friends and in a new state. I was in so much pain and depression that I didn’t know what to do but isolate. I kept feeling sharp random body pain, and my dreams and visions were so vivid that I could reach out and touch them. I mostly knew things that would happen and be said through out the day as if they were just a reoccurrance. I despised being human and humanity, and was angry at the universe. I went about my work days somehow, but didn’t want to be around anyone at all. This would seem a normal response but what I was truly experiencing was far from what others view as normal. I’ve never had any mental health issues and have always been able to quickly problem solve and live life without any real issues, but I thought that I was starting to go crazy. One night, a friend called me and I told her that I was experiencing a calling to merge with spirit but that I wanted only wanted to die. She called the police and I was Baker Acted overnight trying to explain the feeling. I first started hearing a soft voice assuring me that I had to go through this painful process in order to awaken to the real truth in order to self-actualize and do important work helping others. Of course I had resisted, but after a long period of time, I had told the voice that I was uncomfortable hearing the voice. Suddenly, thereafter, I was made to feel until I became more comfortable listening to the voice as I “learned”. I always felt the presence of multiple entities (no can tell me differently)who were on constant watch to guide and protect me through this process and life. I comfortably feel them to this day and trust has grown. Through out this process, I was always floating several inches above ground or floating in mid-air. I thought that it was some kind of Depersonalization/Derealization (all seemed surreal). Knowledge was coming to me extremely quickly and I saw peoples true ways (personalities) quite clearly and accurately, and was growing to feel their true emotions. The entities then made me feel as a student and told me to go to school to be a counselor. My first reaction was “what?! I don’t want to do that”, but I enrolled. I am now graduating with honors, have the full backing of all of my professors, and those who I had worked with in my internships. That voice now tells me that funding will come my way to buy a building to counsel people (who can’t afford it) for free. I didn’t want this hardship either, but things are falling into place concerning this (regardless of my thoughts) at an alarming and unbelieveable rate. I am glad that I have been “intiated” as it’s changed my life more than I could have imagined. I am being taught in cycles as not to be overwhelmed. I now forward to what’s to come. thank you so much for this article as I believe that it will help many others to get an idea of what they’re going through. I didn’t know until for quite some time.

  10. I too, suffered a spiritual crises in 1985 with the simultaneous death of my father and loss of prestigious job. My crises manifested itself both mentally and physically which scared the heck out of me. It was as if something inside of me was trying to physically readjust who I was inside. My help in this matter came in the form of an old nun who I met at a mother house in Santa Ana, California. She took me through the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises, a course of study, diet and music that lasted about six months. The Exercises were created by Saint Ignatius Loyola and Saint Francis Xavier at the Sorbonne, In Paris. The exercises are similar in form to early eastern practices. At the end of that time, I had traveled throughout Europe visiting various sacred sites, the Collegio del Gesu and the Vatican in Rome and met the promoter of the Exercises in London, England. This experience later lead me to my doing a solo pilgrimage across Spain to Santiago de Compostelle. I had plunged deep into the void of both not knowing and knowing all things esoteric. Each day I would meditate and use my imagination to be in different settings of healing. I cannot fully explain in words that convey a deeper understanding of what I went through but I do know it was meaningful. I later went back to teaching but ultimately gave that up as well as it no longer held the same meaning as before.I also do not consider myself to be especially religious having been born and baptized in the Roman Catholic Church, at a very young age I shied away from what I considered to be something I was not interested in. However, I do believe in God the Father, and the holy trinity.

  11. This happend to me when I was 18. I cried at various parts in this story because it is so spot on. I was of course hospitalized and diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic. I was released after 7 days and fought to figure out what was happening to me for about 2 years after. I had already decided it was something like Nirvana or possession. I just never talk about it cause people think I am a kook. I can hear people’s thoughts sometimes. Know what they will do or are lying about. I am a walking stranger therapist. It’s bizarre like strangers always walk up to me and start with. Hey so I got this problem and for some reason, I just feel so comfortable or I know you can help. I want to start learning about natural medicine. I really think myself and others like me can change the world. I am just so happy to find “my people”

  12. Thank you i too had an awakening and was put into hospital twice. I am on medication as per doctors order but feel flat lined my husbands very supportive but is scared i will go into awakening again and will turn on him i too greated people and had such a wonderful experience but my guilt on choices came through and i felt liked i walked through hell if i didnt tell my husband the truth about stuff i never told him it was like a confession and he forgave me. I am lost now as this medication is flat lining me. I want to be able to be awakened and reframe from bringing the crazy out. I pray to find this place.

  13. Hi – I just came across your article tonights as I was looking up the spiritual aspects of being very close to a powerful lightning strike. It happened tonight. I was walking into my kitchen and just as I got near a window, and incredible strike hit something behind my apartment. It seemed so intense I thought it hit a power line or box and all power may be lost in the neighborhood area I am in. But nothing happened. I didn’t see a tree break either. So weird…it feels like the closest I’ve ever been to lightning. I loved your article. I started crying in the middle of it. I was bawling, actually. As you described what you were doing bowing at people in cars…I could get what you were saying…I could feel how everyday we just daydream our lives into these routines and we could be dancing, celebrating, embracing each other like we understand how precious we are to even be alive. I was thinking this as I walked in my quiet neighborhood. LIke, what if music was playing – live bands on every other porch, people outside talking, kids playing, people dressed uniquely, hugging each other and really seeing themselves in each other’s eyes. I was thinking that, as I was praying to hand over to God the things I cannot manage or control. Even things that we’re supposed to manage and control. I just see that I probably don’t or haven’t done as well as when the most out of the blue things happen to me. I was blown away about how my life has changed since I met and dated a very ill guy with NPD – very smart, but indeed abusive and wicked in his pre-planned sadism. He gave me a gift though…he awoke me to the same treatment I’d received from my mother along with my 4 sisters. It was brutal childhood and over the last year since dating this guy have I awakened to the buried pain that I thought I’d worked through. Oh, there was so much more. This man with NPD also helped me see how I was copping out on myself. Taking a shallow, less committed path than what is inside me. I cared about a lot of insignificant things to remain safe; which is an illusion. Back in 1999 I used to write in my journal – “God please let me slide down the edges of what ever this is I keep holding onto!” I knew it was something, but the planet has so many distractions to our truth. I wasn’t ready…like you being in the hospital helped, I needed to incubate a few things in the mid-late 90′s. I’ve been doing mudras mantras and meditation for a year to recover from the relationship that handed me ass and then some. I was pollyanna and wisdom was rising up inside of me. It had to destroy everything I was taking so lightly for me to go deeper into something that I knew was inside me. A real connection to divine and that the divine is in us all. We miss it all the time by being asleep. And then you lose people as you get older and you have more time to reflect. That is where i am now. I froze in time in many ways at age 35 and just fast forwarded into 53 and beyond. As I lay on my bed reading your article and started howling I felt like a mother going through labor. The contractions. It was overwhelming for a bit and I wanted it to stop. I was terrified at being so overwhelmed at feeling like this while reading your article and it was in waves and as it subsided i both wanted to keep it going and let it go. When I could bear it, I felt I could grasp enough of this experience to share in what I am doing now. To let it work though me almost subconsciously, for consciously it almost scares me. In other words, I can sense that line where I am still in the dreamlife and awakening. I pray I can keep that and share that in what I do. Maybe it is all finally making some sense and I like how Jung said to stay grounded as I can see me floating off for a bit…but I love that I could trust my human being to integrate this in. And what happens next is to be seen. Thank you. I am glad I found this tonight. More and more, no coincidences.

  14. Hello Paul.

    I had the same experience. A flash of light in pure darkness. Like the Big Bang. They told me we exist and don’t exist at the same time. We go in and out of existence. We create reality. I began to feel anxious on realising this. They told me it’s important to stay calm. They said staying calm is most important. They said negative thoughts will take you towards destruction and harm. Stay calm. It was so real. They told me my reality was a dream. It’s all a dream. I’m a participant in the dream and that all reality comes from that pulsing bright light.
    Then coincidentally someone mentions quantum physics… Then as I’m looking for the image in my mind on the net I stumble upon Quantum physics Zero point. I realise scientists are now talking about it. I sit here calmly. Not worried at all. Unsure what to do with this information. I’m at peace. Something inside me changed after the flash. I’m less negative. I love life more. I’m unsure what to do with it. But they say to me ‘you don’t have to do anything, just enjoy this’. So I’m doing just that. I’ve been a therapist for years. Now I’m enjoying my time, my space. I recommend people relax and enjoy the process and all will be fine.

  15. Thankyou for this article! In the past 4/5 months I’ve noticed I have made changes in my life I wouldn’t normally do, I’ve taken up meditation and feel great for it, I’ve found joy in things I wouldn’t expect to and thought in different ways than before. My personality has changed and I could not tell if this was for good or bad, leaving me a little confused and scared to ask people in case I was labelled “crazy”. I have been trying to get my head around what is going on but this article has helped assure me that no matter what path I take or what changes happen to me that they will all make sense one day, so for the mean time it’s best to just accept and let them flow.

  16. On the subject of evil, one thing I have noticed is that there are repetitive negative karmic-reincarnational patterns. These repetitive evil patterns can stay with us for many thousands of years or more, until we identify them. I’ll use the Trojan War(a repetitive pattern), as an example. First, there were a number of incidents in my life, which identified me as Paris, of Trojan War infamy. Then, several years ago, I had a friend who I Identfied as Agamemnon, from Trojan War times, apparently my mortal enemy in that lifetime. This identification of his previous lifetime was made possible when he told me of a couple of visionary experiences that he had. In one, he recalled being the general of an army, who gave the command to destroy an entire city. I asked him why he did that. He said it was so that the enemy would never be able to launch an invasion against his homeland, in the future. The other vision was of him being ambushed and slaughtered. I realized he was talking about Agamemnon. I also realized that he had a wife(his third wife), who reminded me of Cassandra and a younger brother who reminded me of Menalaus. And I realized that the Trojan War was part of repetitive evil patterns. Something like this must have happened many thousands of years ago. A highly evolved race came to Earth on a rescue mission. The idea was fostered by the Luciferians that it would be beneficial to interbreed with this new race. Infected with that false idea, I seduced and impregnated the inviolate Mother Goddess of the new race. This lowered their spiritual frequency, even more so when they found out about it. They quickly formed an army, rooted in anger and lack of tolerance. The leader of that army(Agamemnon’s predecessor) came to my village and confronted me. In grief toward my former friend, sorry if I had caused such harm, I turned away so he could kill me if he wanted to. After killing me, he gave the order to destroy my entire village, except those they kept as sex slaves, an action not anticipated by me. Standing there watching in etheric form, I became very angry. As a consequence, I made the unfortunate angry decisions that in the future, I would have relations with their women as I pleased and in similar situations, I would fight them to the death. Then it’s easy to understand how in future incarnations I would become involved with too many Helens, Delilahs and Cleopatras, etc. and live too many lives like Alciabades. And my friend would live too many lifetimes as a tyrant, even destroying entire cities. This lifetime, my friend was on a spiritual path. He had a guru and instructor of karate at a young age. He had gurus he followed and respected in his older age. Then he rejected one of his enlightened gurus, having developed anger and intolerance toward that guru and others. Within a few years he got cancer and died. I attended a funeral service for him and talked briefly to his widow and others. I noticed that she still harbored the same anger and intolerance of her dead husband. And she wasn’t the only one. You needn’t accept my evaluations as being entirely accurate. The main thing I’m trying to illustrate here is how negative(evil) patterns can extend through karmic-reincarnational patterns, encompassing a long period of time through a time stream.

  17. thank you SO much for this. ever since my experience i have thought the exact same thing about it being simply something spiritual/connection with the unconscious rather than a mental illness. i believe sending people to hospital is very dangerous as it made me very scared and turned a nice experience into psychosis. I hope to find out more, i would like to visit buddhists and such.

    thanks again x

  18. I always knew and expressed that there was this massive passion and fire inside of me, like a tiger that wants to unleash on the world, now I see where the passion is arising from, I would love to talk with you about this at some point. Thank you again as this article is so tactfully and clearly written and is a treasure and gift to the world. Thank you for your work for amateurs like me who are only beginning to wake up!

  19. This article is a miracle! Thank you Paul! This has helped me so much to begin to connect deeper on the path to integrating my emergence a few weeks ago and further seeing how the reactions of others have indeed been the feedback to help trust that inner voice even more! Right after I knew enough to know I didn’t know anything, in other words I got enough of a glimpse of the unsolvable puzzle, I began to listen to others and hear how they were providing me exactly what I needed to hear to begin to learn to live and get on the path to meet the world where it is. I realized this right after my crisis before reading your article that the feedback of others thinking I was going crazy was more evidence that the world was in the dream state and afraid of my waking up. I further trusted this inner voice that I now I see the déjà vu of how this inner voice of truth has always been here in my life in my deepest and quietest moments of inspiration – when I want to change the world and spread love and joy – in those moments I can feel all the circles of negative energy and have a deep, good nature that wants to emerge and have the world hear this voice and give and move us toward that good nature with nothing needed in return. So, as I began to trust that voice and was willing to die for the beauty and absolute completeness of the present moment I was experiencing, I did actually die (I felt pulled to jump into freezing water and sink without a fight, complete surrender, to return home, it was so beautiful) and then I released some of this energy after my crisis trying to bring others along with me, all my friends, this was obviously not effective and a good learning experience and I’m glad I did this to receive the feedback and release the pressure building from all those moments of inspiration held in during late nights of writing and having realizations – it also faced another fear and was another breakthrough to explode on people and then watch the feedback – I see how the crisis plays into the opening now. I knew deep down in my intuition that the magic I was opened to was a revelation beyond the entire psych/medical establishment, beyond the monetary system, beyond anything of this world, despite a doctor “who knew” bless his heart as it was coming from that pure place of love, care and sincere concern, trying to make a judgement based on my explosions and expressions of the massive energy I was beginning to channel during and after the crisis and probably rightfully from his perspective calling it manic and recommending I go to a hospital for a few days. I sat in peace and silence as 8 eyeballs kept staring at me telling me what I needed to do, including my parents…I at one point said, “I find it funny and ironic that I’m sitting here in complete peace and silence and 4 people are staring at me, in my face, scared, telling me what is wrong with me as if they know.” Obviously there is some intelligence as to where they were meeting me as I just unleashed too much energy and had engaged in some pretty reckless behavior for the past few years leading up to this emergence. So overall, I now see my journey to now was learning to trust and not let anyone compromise my true nature, and I was and will continue to do this with an open mind of course to the gifts of others as their feedback is always a clue left behind on the journey of how to effectively channel our gifts – even if they locked you up Paul for a few weeks in a hospital – I can see how even that is a gift to a deeper realization of where each of us are on our journeys! It’s further data and confirmation of how awake the world and the establishments we accept as our consensus reality are in line with the deeper reality beyond the mind. What a miracle! Love to you and I hope I can speak to you at some point.

    And I totally resonate with the “divine drama” and how every moment is a miracle…my life flashed in front of me after I trusted my revelations and I knew for certain that every moment, conversation, and connection before was perfectly aligned to bring me to that moment – it was a miracle to metaphorically die and have this force of a revelation. I’m experiencing massive energy and am learning to ground myself with the help of others as you say.

  20. Improved recognition as well as therapy of depression in late life will certainly make those years a lot more pleasurable as
    well as fulfilling for the depressed senior citizen, the household, and carers.

  21. I had a traumatic past, constantly confronted with unnecessary conflicts and unfair circumstances. I was harboring a deepening hatred for humanity due to those confrontations and I felt that I was heading down a very dark path if I never had my “psychotic” break. My first experience happened during my birth month. The serenity, love, and joy I felt and what I saw completely healed me from all my past pains and suffering. I became a new person, full of the compassion and sympathy I had lost during my harsh childhood. As an individual who has had two near-death experiences, I can tell you that there is another realm that is just as real as our physical realm. I believe most forms of mental illness are a result of some sort of interference from that higher/spiritual realm.

  22. I believe I am at a crossroads almost two years ago I was at the end of my rope I was completely overwhelmed by depression pain and anger I gave up my 32 birthday after a partying and pouring out feelings and pain I didn’t know existed I had submitted my soul to misery I was ready to die as I slept a dream was givin to me of mountain rain when I awoke I weight was lifted I was not full I could breathe again although still cycling through depression my emy heart was humbled shortly after I began studying Christianity not commit but a surprising interest there through the bible I found a language .. A relation shortly after about2014 I started to write something I never did without thought or reason my hand began to move I found small nootes with emotions I had without pulse written sinse2012 that was light! Feb 2014 I started five spiral notebooks many poems math predictions I thought all together seven book I thought where adding to one storie but beheld by me was only a chpyer which ended yesterday marked the “dig” and tonight another book has began I do not read what is written until god tells me two I don’t write this I believe is a gift I never possessed after typing a theory given to me by the Devine that I had not commied because my mind was not yet did of the mind that plagued me because I was stuck in the cycle of depressed actions and I needed to reverse the cycle to end it a cure and my led ended the dig I have been awakened and know begin my stand to move forward I’ve had a rough time throughout my twentys DARK and I have direction through messages in my books the divine have showed me how I will find peace and unity to a separated soul its slow but this is really happening I have also been extremely sensitive to others emotional state by energy its like I can feel there souls good n bad idk sometimes I think I’m buggin but it feels good to find others as of now I am alone when try to tell friends its lil they just don’t get it they can’t fathom?????? Well divine power tells me that my name will not be forgotten I would love for some one with more awareness and knowledge to look at what I have written only to be sure that this is a journey so I will be sure it is real ty so much for your time s.

  23. im mark from philippines. im only 23. i dont know if you believe me but im actually in a state of awakening, also. im a little bit confused on what was going on to me. i dont know why i could understand the way a person feels, based on the way he acts and talks and more situations that i know today your the only one who can answer me. its like im in a deep sleep and i could say im awakened to the truth and reality. i really need guidance because im a little bit confused. im far from psychosis. im willing to go under a test just to prove that im not lying.

  24. Thanks Paul,

    I gotta say this is a great place for people to express themselves..

    Your story is very inspiring and it hit very close to home! My experience was
    much different than yours and I’m sure everyone’s is very different with multi-
    dementional aspects. I felt fine insanity part of it, as I have always been a little
    crazy.haha The major problem for me was “the fear”. It’s very hard to explain
    due to the “gray” tall parts of it. I also looked up those verses in Mathew.. And
    yes God also confirms the rich getting richer and poor getting poorer.

    I know you are appreciated in very high places.

    Praise God


  25. I absolutely agree with Brian,
    Getting back to the Bible saved me. I really thought I was going insane. I urge people of the Christian tradition who are going through SA to read Matthew 13 v10-17. In it Jesus is specifically dealing with the collective unconscious and is speaking to people like us who know that there is much more to this world than meets the eye.

    I also know that God is not an observer on Earth but is running the show. This mass spiritual awakening has probably been planned for millennia. Perhaps we are moving towards a new Golden Age.

    Best wishes,

  26. I truly believe God is the answer! If you are lost, in fear of losing your mind, or have had a spiritual awakening… Please take into account that you need to strengthen your spirit. And God the Almighty will help you overcome anything! Please find God. He is the savior of those who truly believe in Him.

    If you have fear, emptiness etc… After the awakening,. That is God telling us as a WARNING our spirit is very weak! Attain to faith in God! He is the only one who can save you!!! “I also suggest to start by reading the Bible, “the Quran” or any spiritual book that “makes sense”. And above all… Stay conscious of God! Never put h second in your life!!!
    Yours truly,
    A God fearing servant

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