Spiritual Emergence

Follow by Email

In 1981 I was sitting in meditation when, just for an instant, a bolt of lightning flashed through my mind. I began acting so unlike my normal self that a friend brought me to a hospital, afraid I was going crazy. Though I was let out of that hospital after three days, the experiences that began to unfold were so overwhelming that I was hospitalized a number of other times during that first year. I was diagnosed as having had a severe psychotic break and was told that I had a chemical imbalance and had manic-depressive illness. I was put on lithium, and at times, haldol (an anti-psychotic). I was told I would have to live with my illness for the rest of my life.

I was one of the lucky ones, as I was able to extricate myself from the medical and psychiatric establishment. Little did the doctors realize that I was taking part in some sort of spiritual awakening/shamanic initiation process, which at times mimicked psychosis but in actuality was an experience of a far different order. In 1993, after many years of struggling to contain and integrate my experiences, I started to teach about what I was realizing. I am now in private practice, assisting others who were spiritually emerging and beginning to wake up to the dreamlike nature of reality. In a dream come true, psychiatrists consult with me and send me patients.

In ancient wisdom cultures it was understood that there were certain individuals whose craziness was the sign of a passage into a higher consciousness. They realized that the person needed to be both honored and supported in their process. They knew that the person who passes through this process successfully and becomes an accomplished shaman, healer, or teacher, returns bearing incredible gifts and blessings of wisdom and healing for everyone. To quote the noted author Ken Wilber “Though the temporary unbalance precipitated by such a crisis may resemble a nervous breakdown, it cannot be dismissed as such. For it is not a pathological phenomena but a normal event for the gifted mind in these societies, when struck by and absorbing the force of the realization of ‘something far more deeply infused’ inhabiting both the round earth and one’s own interior.”

I had been doing Buddhist meditation for over a year when that lightning bolt went off inside of my brain. Within a day or two I felt like Alice who had fallen through the looking glass, finding myself “drafted” and playing a role in a deeper, mythic process, what Jung would call a “divine drama,” where everything was permeated with a deep symbolic meaning.

I felt totally unselfconscious and amazingly free. I felt the creative energy of the universe flowing through me; I was dancing on the living forefront of the Big Bang itself, where every moment was creative, magical and totally new. My kundalini was exploding; it was like a billion watts of electricity were flowing through a seventy five watt bulb.

It was like my mind had spilled out from inside of my skull and was manifesting and expressing itself synchronistically through events in the seemingly outer environment. What was happening in the seemingly outer world was magically related to what was going on inside of me. The boundary between dreaming and waking, between inner and outer, and between my self in here and your self out there, was dissolving. It was as if I had become lucid and was waking up inside of a dream.

I knew without a doubt that I was going through a deep spiritual experience, no one could possibly convince me otherwise; this was the key that saved my sanity. I felt that the more people I thought about, the more people I was able to “bring along” with me, so I began imagining the whole universe. The experience was so overwhelming that I had no choice but to surrender and let go. I wasn’t attached in my usual way to what the outcome was going to be. I was simply trusting the experience, which was clearly not only the right thing to do, but was the only thing I could do.

A spiritual awakening is almost always precipitated by a severe emotional or spiritual crisis; it oftentimes organically grows out of unresolved abuse issues from childhood- this was certainly true in my case. In a fully-flowered spiritual emergence, you magically discover how to transmute these symptoms and wounds into the blessings that they are.

To people still absorbed in the collective, mainstream trance and having membership in the consensus reality, my behavior looked totally bizarre and was very threatening. It was, I’m sure, a very difficult and problematic situation for those closest to me, as they weren’t able to understand what I was going through, as it was so far off their map of reality. Painfully, most of my friends and family were very judgemental and bought into the doctors diagnosis that I had a mental illness, as this was their way of “explaining” what was happening to me that fit into their very limited, comfortable view of the world. In the words of the late psychiatrist R. D. Laing, “Attempts to wake before our time are often punished, especially by those who love us most. Because they, bless them, are asleep. They think anyone who wakes up, or who, still asleep, realizes that what is taken to be real is a ‘dream’ is going crazy.”

The experiences and realizations were so mind-blowing, literally, that at certain points I was having trouble “keeping it together,” as my whole personality structure was melting and disintegrating, all orchestrated towards some mysterious, unknown destination where everything was clearly being integrated into a higher and more psychoactive center. Oftentimes my actions looked from the outside like typical psychotic behavior.

For example, one time I threw out all of my fathers many medications, as I felt that he really didn’t need them, as he could just tap right into the source of healing itself. At other times, I wanted to break my eyeglasses, as I felt that I didn’t need them to see, and felt they were doing more harm to my eyes than good.

One time, after I was acting so crazy that my father flew me back home to New York, he woke up from his nights sleep only to find me doing prostrations to him. Later on that morning I went out to the middle of the busy intersection near my parents apartment and was bowing to the oncoming cars, as I was recognizing that everything was the Divine.

From my point of view, I was realizing, or should I say, it was being revealed to me, that every moment was the unmediated expression of God, what I call the Goddessence. I remember turning on the radio and every voice I heard on the radio was the voice of this Goddessence. Every person I was seeing was the Goddessence him or herSelf. It seemed curious and even confusing to me that everybody seemed to buy into and be so caught up in such limited, contracted identity states, as if they were pretending and really seemed to believe that they weren’t Divine.

When you are spiritually emerging you are literally going through an archetypal death-rebirth experience, which is about nothing other than the death and transcendence of the separate self. I was having a radical shift of identity, where I was beginning to realize my unity with the whole of creation. I remember feeling that anything that had ever been invented, discovered, or created (including the whole cosmos), the “I” who I had now discovered myself to be, had done. This realization is not understandable and makes no sense as long as one is under the spell of the intellect, but was appearing to me with the force of a revelation. What I was seeing seemed totally obvious, as if I was genuinely seeing the truth for the first time. In fact I was beginning to realize who I, as well as everyone, genuinely was, which was simultaneously nothing (not a thing that can be seen as an object) and at the same time, everything.

During these experiences I got to meet and intimately connect with some of the greatest enlightened masters of both Tibet and Burma, who, like I was in a Fairy Tale, became my teachers and guides. True miracles, experiences that were completely impossible, stuff that could only happen in dreams, began happening. Any limited conceptualizations I had about the nature of the universe were being totally shattered.

Due to the ecstacy and exhiliration of the experience, there is a real temptation, like the mythic Icarus, to fly too high, which is only to set yourself up for a corresponding fall. During these experiences it is of the utmost importance to be as grounded as possible. The great psychiatrist C. G. Jung understood the importance of this during his “Confrontation with the Unconscious.” He used to keep pictures of his family around, so he could remember that he was, in his words, “an actually existing, ordinary person.”

Jung understood very well that one of the greatest dangers that you encounter during this experience is to become inflated, thinking that you are someone special. You become identified with the archetype instead of relating to it from the standpoint of a conscious human ego. You’ve literally gotten swallowed up and possessed by the deeper, more powerful transpersonal forces, falling totally into your unconscious. You can become truly insane, thinking, for example, that only you are Christ or Buddha, instead of recognizing that we’re all Christ or Buddha. This is the difference between someone who is truly mentally ill, who could be said to be drowning in the stormy ocean of the unconscious, compared to an accomplished mystic, who is being nurtured and nourished by swimming, surfing and snorkling in the healing waters of their psyche.

Jung understood that the thing which swings the balance one way or the other is the human egos capacity to confront and relate in a conscious way to these transpersonal forces. This is why creative work, in which you channel and transmute these deeper, very powerful, archetypal energies, is of the utmost importance.

At a certain point, the entire ordeal reveals itself to be an initiation for actualizing and giving expression to your true genius, or daimon, which is none other than your inner voice, guiding spirit and unfabricated true nature, which has never been lost. Like in a déjà vu, you remember, or discover your unique calling, your true vocation as a Bodhisattva who is here to help other beings. You become a master creative multi-dimensional artist whose canvas is life itself.

Of course, another great danger, which I can talk about from personal experience, is to wind up in the clutches of and be diagnosed and medicated by the medical, psychiatric community, who typically have no understanding of phenomena such as spiritual emergences. One psychiatrist even diagnosed me as having the same illness as Freuds infamous “Rat Man,” saying I would need three years of intensive psychotherapy and then I would be cured! To again quote Laing, “Anyone in this transitional state is likely to be confused. To indicate that this confusion is a sign of illness, is a quick way to create psychosis….A psychiatrist who professes to be a healer of souls, but who keeps people asleep, treats them for waking up and drugs them asleep again….helps to drive them crazy.”

My final hospitalization was in September of l982, when I was flown back to New York and put in a hospital for three weeks. Instead of seeing them as a mistake that was made, I’ve been able to see the perfection of all that has happened. I now understand that the hospitalizations were in fact an aspect of the awakening; they were part of my journey to the underworld. There is a sense of accepting and embracing whatever has happened in my life, realizing it is all an initiation into the deeper mystery of my infinite and unspeakably magical being.

This is not to say that there is not something called mental illness. I do wonder, though, how many cases of mental illness are actually spiritual emergences gone sour. We, as a society, need to recognize the existence of genuine spiritual emergences and learn to differentiate them from cases of psychosis. Thankfully, there is now even a small paragraph in the psychiatrists DSM IV Book (their diagnostic manual) titled “Spiritual or Religious Problem.” Might it be that we’re all at different stages of the spiritual emergence process?

A pioneer in the field of spiritual emergence, Paul Levy is a healer in private practice, assisting others who are also awakening to the dreamlike nature of reality. Paul is also a visionary artist and a spiritually-informed political activist. He is the author of The Madness of George Bush: A Reflection of Our Collective Psychosis,which is available on his website www.awakeninthedream.com. (See the first chapter, The Madness of George W. Bush: A Reflection of our Collective Psychosis). Please feel free to pass this article along to a friend if you feel so inspired. You can contact Paul at paul@awakeninthedream.com; he looks forward to your reflections. © Copyright 2010

Follow by Email

78 Responses to Spiritual Emergence

  1. I have been experience a different terms of phenomena . The world is controlled by three powers . Negative , positive and abstract . Likewise I feel sometime the power of spiritual connection and the reality . I feel the advancement of technology and the future of technology and well the Magic . I feel the start of human kind and sometime feel I am a part of incarnation when I feel wht happened now already happen in life . I predict why is coming next in my life but can’t predict others . Not like I am having cup of team in some minutes but sth Tht is yet to come . Why wonder when we all are a part of energy . Just like in ancient time it’s all a part of enery what we feel . The magical power and the new power all part of energy . I feel God is saying me sth and technology is giving me sth and at the end it is all the same . One dimension and other dimension is working at same part time and again . I feel the energy when I am in the room itself . Like some one is there with me . When I sleep I go to different dimension who call it dream but my dream always yet start from the same . I sleep here I woke up there .Likewise written in books and research there is so advance discoveries yet to be discovery. I feel like I am a bridge in between . I am no mental . I do everyday work but I am very disturbed experiencing this from child hood . Yet discoveries is Pyrimid and yet we are advancing to make new creation which would be greater than pyrimid and it will collapse . The only reason everything would be collapsed because like I said there are three part of powers controlling everything . Science is a part of religion. Religion make understanding in form of story and magic while science prove it in terms of technology . While the energy was created not only in earth across whole universe a loop hole was formed . Some of the greatest work of mind used the loop hole to escape while others just go round in circle . No one have seen death. But some of them have crossed the death . Reality , illumanaty, religion all are part of universe . I don’t know how I can express wht I know in this part of form. I wish I could talk to a spiritual person and a scientist at the same time so I can say why I find . There are many hidden propaganda . Please contact me anyone interested .

  2. I experienced something incredible about 5 months ago where I felt completely open and connected to the universe. I was liberated and free for for the first time in my life. I had battled with alcoholism for years never able to sustain for very long any resemblance of sobriety, until I began to meditate and listen to isochronic tones/binaural beats, exercising and eating organic healthy whole foods. I went on a run one afternoon and… the only way I can explain it was my heart chakra opened up. My body began tingling then from the my chest pulsating waves of energy radiated throughout my body. I was filled with oomplete peace and serenity and all my fears seemed to be lifted. All this was happening while I was running and I was completely in my body while I was running. after that I was on a spiritual high for the next month where everything had a greater signifigance and I reading about Hermeticisim and shamianism as well as other forms of energy/spirituality. I was experiencing profound syncronicity , ie would be having an idea or thought in my mind then happen upon some literature directly dealing with my experience. This was great and was all good but then one morning I woke up at 5 am gripped with terror as memories of a vicious sexual assault that happened to me while in the army came flooding back. I had never had any conscious memories of this event but the emotions associated with them definitely were real. I struggled to understand them and was confused and scared that I couldn’t trust my own memories. As time went on more memories from my childhood trickled back adding to the confusion. I just want to get a psychological eval because Ive felt “crazy” at times. Knowing the thoughts,ideas are out there. Ive woken up early in the mornings hearing me speaking with someone but unable to make out what is said. Ive experienced memories that Im not sure are my own but “felt” them just the same. I am still confused but beginning to accept this for what it is. I am so greatful to find this article, as I know I am not alone in this process. I hope me sharing this helps others who are experiencing similar events. Be one with the Father. Blessings.

  3. I found your article because I’ve been experiencing what I recently discovered to be termed ascension, and considering that I’m often feeling as if psychotic I need to know if I can relate to others and others to me. I know I’m not psychotic, and I have good reason to know I’m experiencing an extraordinary transformation and transmutation. I don’t have a large circle of friends and family, therefore I can’t say I’ve received much opposition from the external environment. I have received some positive feedback from family but so far I think I relate most fully to my 13-year-old daughter who is practicing and following much of what I’m doing. I’ve surrendered to this sense of total craziness, and have mentally prepared myself for any negative reactions from others. I can’t fight my physical response to this transformation because it creates anguish and desperation. It’s much better to go along with my body’s urge to behave somewhat psychotically. I’m trying my best to not sound exaggerated in describing my current state of being, but it’s highly pronounced and ever so real. Nevertheless, it’s the one thing which tells me I’m on the journey and something is truly occurring within me. Let the world thinks what it wants.

  4. hi, i love your description of your experience. almost a year ago, i had my own experienced of a psycotic break, i have always been intuitive to life around me. i went through a really dark situation of having everything going to plan in my life, then with one foul swoop it all fell apart. people i thought would always be by my side and i loved and trusted very much abandoned me with no real reasoning, lost my apt and job, everything i was trying to hold together just all fell apart. i didnt know what was happening, and i didnt know who to trust or turn to. in this i picked up a book about cognetive behavior therapy for mental illness and quickley took to understanding religions and the universe, i had many days and nights of kundalini awakenings, and eventually found myself in the void of it all. there was no longer an i, i no longer related to any concept, just vibrant life and love. no longer a need to do or say anything, or worry about anything at all, everything and every body had a glow around it, and was without a label. no one had a personality, there was no individuality to be seen, everything, everyone, every experience were the same love, and always a new supprize because the mind never attached to thinking anything good or bad, or that anything should be any different than it would be happening. the experience was the most beautiful experience i have ever had, i was free from the world and my body for about a month, and fully in love with every second of life. i had died and been reborn in heaven, i saw god, there was no longer attachment to any thoughts at all. the mind had become free, full awakening experience. the reason i am here, writing is that although i had this amazing experience, something happened that makes no sense, and i am now struggling again to find divine grace. one day there was an experience of a strong energy that came surging through the body, my body got up and started to move around in distress, and my voice started to speak. idk why this happened, or where it came from, because my mind and spirit were very much at peace. there were no negative feelings within my being. this happened within my body, but not part of my mind. im looking to find clarity, and find my way back home withing being. i honestly can not tell where being exists anymore. i cant tell if i live in a spirit world, or a physical. it is somewhat both. everything of my being feels cursed. to do good feels bad, and to do bad feels bad. it is very hard to have any pure heart. idk if this is part of the mystical experience or not. it seems as though were there was full awareness, now there is no awareness but the awareness of the damned. idk how to live anymore, or in which way to precieve. idk weather to precieve from spirit mind, or pre spirit mind. my mind seems to hold onto letting go. oxymoron. looking for help.

  5. Hi and thank you for your article . I have also experienced enlightenment / awakening. It was very intense and truely
    Amazing and I feel very fortunate. This happened around 5 months ago and I wanted to share my experience with
    My loved ones but new that they would not be able to process this as they are not ready to hear my sudden change
    In perception of life , healing and life on this earth . I truely want to put this new found awareness to good use and help / heal others . But I’m just not sure how to go about this ..
    I would love some feed back and guidance .
    Does this awakening happen Just for our own healing ?
    I’m thinking that we are very fortunate and divine spirit has awakened us so we can also help others .
    Love and light to all

  6. Hello there,

    I too have gone through this same awakening, enlightening experience. At times I get put in my place because I am questioned, doubted, and confused about my “delusional” insight. But I am so glad I found your blog because it helps me to know that I am not the only one out there. Thank you for relating to me because as you may know, this way of feeling can be lonely sometimes. Sometimes I start to wonder if the whole world is fabricated from my mind and I am totally alone. Thank you I do not feel alone. It is hard to speak to people of this because once you have been enlightened you cannot possibly go back after realizing the whole aspect. Atleast that is how it’s for me. I like you was diagnosed with a cognitive disorder and I was medicated most of my life. I stopped taking my meds 2+ years ago and I have never been more myself. It’s like you said, once you have been shown you have no other choice than to live this life. My enlightenment and empowerment had led me to going back to school to get my Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling because now all I want to do in life is to share enlightenment and self inner empowerment with people and help them get there. People even think I am being a sarcastic about my feelings and how I really feel. So thank you again I am so glad I found your blog. You make me feel hopeful for humanity and hopefully my reply helps you to feel the same. glad to know you are out there.

  7. Great to find you and see how you have inspired others to reveal their awakening experiences. It’s taken me 30 years since my first OOBIE to reveal “all” in my book A New Human -not for the faint hearted but ends well and surprisingly even for me……….life is oh so revealingly and inspiringly magical at times of great opportunity and growth into an awareness that we are part of a huge Multidimensional Awakening for those who are ready. It is vital that our mental health services begin to acknowledge and research psychic and multidimensional realities instead of medicating and labeling.

  8. I’ve struggled with bipolar disorder and severe depression since the age of nine. I’ve had countless paranormal experiences through my life that I could never explain! My mother was murdered 4 years ago and I was diagnosed with ptsd. In October of this year I attempted suicide, ended up in the icu and made my 5 th visit to a psychiatric unit. Since then I’ve felt this extraordinary change within myself. I’m not sure what’s happening, could this be it?

  9. We’ll let me just start out by saying over the years I’ve been feeling week mentally. I’m pretty sure my mental pain is due from a mixers of seeing spirits good and bad waking me up in my sleep not being able to move while In that stage, and the fear of people, the reason why I fear some people nowadays is because, I got into a fight one day, lost the fight. The next day I went to school, I had this kid out of the blue taking trash about me, so for me the way I’m I didn’t let it out I pushed his face into the drit while his skater buddies started hitting me, this all happened at school and the security guard stoped it. We’ll it wasn’t long until, him and his friends, the one I pushed his face into the dirt they always wanted to jump me. In my Mind I didn’t want to get into anymore trouble because my mom got mad because I got suspended from school. They always tired to jump me,this built up mental pain inside. Anyways I know this reality is like a game/ dream or whatever you want to call it, and I’m stuck in it. I’ve been praying all the time for this mental Pain to stop, this constantly over thing about the same thing to stop. Sometime I wonder if I got possed in one of my outer body experiences, because i remember one of the spirts saying that it wanted me, and called me by my name . It’s 5:55am where I’m right now I can’t sleep because of the constant thoughts I have, most of the time, I don’t know if it’s me saying it in my mind or not, but it trying very hard for me to sell my soul, this thought has been going on for about a year now and I will not give in and still pray to god, and ask god to be the keeper of my soul. Um I going insane? Please help.:((

  10. might i add, that i stopped meditating over a month ago, and still up till yesterday felt strong powers. i fear them, because i fear that if they come back, that i would smite people, and cause destruction to others. i dont want to be that buddhist teacher who feels like he knows it all, and others are below him. all i want is the simple little enjoyments. the light path, not the all powerful one. i want grace, not grandjor. i have much forgiveness and healing to do. as i type this, i am starting to feel high levels of energy rising in me, and thoughts racing. ugh!

  11. hi, i had just gone through the feeling of this, but i disconnected from it, i started feeling like buddha himself, and it scared me because i stopped seeing others as equals. just prior to this, something kept telling me to go seek out the dahli lama and give him a message that the world is going to turn out for the better, no nukes, and everyone is going to prosper better than they have since before buddha. connect on a more psycic level. well now i abandoned it out of fear of harm i may be doing to those around me, it has been so draning on me, i had become in fear that a dark force had gotten ahold, and i do not want to be a teacher of false dharma. i have abandon it, i am drained, and i have people confused. i can not meditate, and i feel my like i lost everything i knew. i lost my connection to it all. tonight i did some healing meditations, but i wasnt quite meditative, and after, i still feel a disconnect to the universe, but a little less dead, but no where near even able to connect fully. i wonder if i have severed ties completely forever or if i can heal myself back to it. it is hard, because i feel even though i try to practice the law, and advocate it, it does nothing for my part in it. if i was to try and become part of it again, it would be false, but i very much want to connect to it. it is my life force. i feel like i am bastardizing it now. can i find a new salvation? i did other meditations to focus on prazing others in my life and the universe, they help just a little, but hardly, and i have fear of other beings, i feel below others. i felt that a demon took hold at one point. i would be in joy for all life, and then switch to scoffing it, then cry for what i have done, then i would switch back to the evil side,going back and forth. i fell into buddhism about 5 months ago, because i had a total melt down, i lost everything in life at the time, and i felt i was going nuts! i didnt want to live or die, i had so many people telling me different things, and i was so confued, my fiance left me with no answer why, and broken promises, i loved her like no other. i lost my apt and job on top, and i found a book on midfulness to reconnect to myself. it fucking saved me, but now im just so empty. i already have embraced all the concepts and understandings, so how can i come back. i have a very pure heart, but i have lost the ability to love myself from the very thing that gave way to loving myself. myself. i dont want back in, but i want it to be pure, not out of tainted self fullfilment. i am no longer feeling like i am fighting the world to gain self, but myself to find self. i cant harm the world knowing now that that isnt the way. but its not some outer force to answer to, is it? doesnt that defeat what buddhism teaches? or do i ask the universe for help? am i no longer part of it now? ide love to find help from others. i mean tonight i had more of reflections to how some friends had been teaching, telling me things i had taught them about mindfulness to keep me from offing myself a few times, or going crazier than i was. so in that sense it was a humbling conectivness, but im not feeling it as strong as before. i suppose i just need to keep counting blessings and continue to strive to do the right thing, and keep to practice even if now i react on a more humanized plane of worldly suffering. trying to hold onto that connective thought, and right thinking.

  12. A few Jungian therapists that I’ve read have warned about protecting yourself when making contact with the archetypal energies in the unconscious. Some of the energies are of the shadow and can completely overwhelm the ego. I’m not sure of how to fix this. My best idea is to pray for protection and healing from the Christ center within you, or Mother Mary, or the Archangel Michael. I’m not Christian, I mean pray to what you hold sacred to end the invasion and restore you. I know this advice doesn’t apply to all of you, I’m mainly thinking of those who seem to be suffering from an inner demonic plague. I’ve learned from your stories to be careful when trying to explore the psyche. Your inner King and Queen archetype should be strong enough to compel order in the citadel of your soul.

  13. I too am experiencing a spiritual enlightenment\awakening…
    I’ve become disconnected with family and friends.
    I go through moments of depression as a result of new discoveries daily.
    I recently went to mental health and had a psychiatric assessment in which i was told i am experiencing a psychotic break or disorder.
    I know this not to be true. I was asked why i see the world the way i do, and they cannot. I explained that my belief is that I sought after truth at it’s very core and as a result broke the conditioning placed on me through various means, i.e. education etc… and that until they decide to pursue this themselves in their own way they will never emerge from the delusions of the present societal control structure. I’ve come to understand that the leaders of this world are mainly psychopaths… not in the Norman Bates sense… but rather the traits of a psychopath make them very successful in today’s world paradigm. Charming liars with no remorse.
    They project the chaos in their heads onto the people and institutions they are involved in; then return with their solutions to regain order.
    They live in and manipulate in others what’s know as the lizard brain…
    and through this they shape-shift their persona’s to mimic normal human pathology as it fits them in their quest for what they want. i.e. politicians every four years before an election ( one persona to get elected, another while in office, and yet another come election time again.)
    I’ve also come to understand that breaking the conditioning is only the first step in this journey and that there are now physical traps in the material world that have been laid in an attempt to snare me and walk me back to the farm and put me back in my stall…. various truth-er groups, occupy movements, psychiatry/psychology etc…
    Through my research I’ve come to learn that when dealing with psychopaths in personal relationships that the only course of action is to have no contact with them. Therefor I’m also choosing to have no contact with the psychopathic control grid/system as much as possible and become more independent and responsible for my life. Responsibility for me is the ability to respond to obstacle’s we all face in this life… how you respond is crucial to their ability to manipulate you in future endeavors.
    I’ve learned to seek out guiding principles to help me in my decision-making… we are being bombarded with information on a daily, hourly basis and the many contradictions in the presented information, we are in mental over-load; disrupting our ability to focus, to think…
    I wish you well on your journey, as difficult as it is… it’s put the magic back into living and i would never wish to go back to the conditioning.

    The one in me, sees the one in you as the same.

  14. While reading through everyone’s stories, I can’t help but wonder how many of the voices and more depressive states are actually being caused by spirit attachments, entities or the collective Wetiko/cancerous consciousness trying to put you back to sleep. There is definitely a dark force present on this planet that does NOT want you to awaken, and they will pull all sorts of crap to throw you off track.

    I have been experiencing an insane awakening process over the last two years and most of it has been absolutely horrendous – plagued by disease, depression, suicidal thoughts, voices, crazy dreams, etc. I started hating the spiritual journey I embarked on and completely lost faith in EVERYTHING. I have traveled all over the world on this “journey” – done ayahuasca ceremonies in the middle of Amazon rainforest with indigenous shamans, lived in a self-sustainable spiritual community in the middle of the Costa Rican jungle, worked with a “guru” who became “enlightened” while studying under Osho and participated in silence retreats, rituals, tribal gatherings, fasts, etc

    Some paranormal things started happening a few months ago that were flat-out impossible to explain rationally. I finally started researching spirit and entity attachments and realized how much of my reality and thought processes were being externally influenced by beings other than myself – completely derailing me and hindering this awakening process. My reality, in essence, was being completely hijacked and my health and mental states were becoming absolutely ravaged.

    I HIGHLY encourage anyone experiencing these voices, dark thoughts, etc to start looking into spirit release therapy. Paul was part of this radio show as well and I find the following interview extremely helpful with those exploring this topic for the first time: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sottnet/2014/01/26/spirit-release-soul-therapy-interview-with-patrick-rodriguez-heather-hayes

    However, the one thing that TRULY liberated my from the entities that had attached to me was something called Holographic Kinetics. I had to fly across the country to do a session with someone in person but my situation was absolutely insane and I felt like my life was at risk.

    I am now back home and feel so fundamentally different and completely disconnected from the Wetiko virus – you can’t imagine how terrible the situation on this planet is until you are disconnected from this cancerous consciousness that everyone is plugged into.

    I can now see how everything I was doing prior to this was completely flawed – I don’t need to do ceremonies, study under gurus, take plant medicines, etc to connect to the divine. We as a species need to STOP looking outside of ourselves for divinity – calling in Jesus or “PREYing” to God is only opening yourself up to attachments, Wetiko, etc.

    I hope this helps someone…if you’re here on this website you’re obviously aware that reality is not at all what we think it is and that the majority of humanity is infected with something very very sinister. It is up to us who are experiencing this awakening to stay extremely grounded and rooted in our own inner knowing and power and not let others – whether physical or not – to throw us off balance or influence us in any way. You are truly your own creator…live that truth and hopefully inspire others by example to question this reality we are in.

  15. Thank you so much for sharing this. It happened to me back in 2009. I was experiencing unrequited love, meditating, reading Eckhart Tolle. The combination of having my heart ripped open with the spiritual practice and finally arriving at a place where I was begging for peace, freedom from my noisy mind….was the perfect recipe. I was 30 and at the time working in open heart surgery. I still don’t know how I managed to maintain my career and my home those months. When I think back, I believe my experience was truly cushioned by love. My coworkers were gentle and understanding. My parents were perplexed, clearly frightened, but still moved by the things I was sharing and saying.

    I was deeply blessed with my experience. It took a while to integrate. And yes, writing poetry and nurturing my creative side helped. I do wish there were support groups that were more readily available. I didn’t know where to go or who to turn to. Paradoxically, finding the cure for loneliness can be a lonely experience. I found refuge at the bookstore and immersed myself in the writings that understood me: Sufi poetry, New Age books, the transcendentalist writers.

    It’s disappointing to come down from the high, nevertheless. God, I miss it. But I realize now that my work is nowhere near “done” and I’m being further polished and there is karmic conditioning still to be dealt with. I’m an ordinary woman, still working in surgery, and I’m now married and a mom. I’m firmly grounded and other than assisting my mom’s passing last year, my life isn’t quite so mystical anymore….but it’s magical, very.

    My question to you is, have you had any further awakenings? Clearly mine was non-abiding. I dream of the day when I will be “kissed” again.

  16. My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find almost all of your post’s to be just what I’m looking for.
    Would you offer guest writees to write ccontent available ffor you?
    I wouldn’t mind composing a post or elaborating on most
    of the sujects you write related too here.
    Again, awesoe site!

  17. I had a very VERY similar experience to Kelly. I had always felt like I was highly intuitive and open to spirits and higher realms. My ascension symptoms had gone on for over three years. I started believing I was Jesus or somehow a descendant of Jesus. I had always had a love and hate relationship for religion although my entire family is of the Christian Religion. I started having crazy dreams about witchcraft, demons and evil spirits. All of a sudden I wasn’t sleeping and when I finally did sleep it was only for a few hours. I started getting urges to do harm to my family and to myself but I knew it wasn’t me and it must have been an outside influence controlling my thoughts. Now I must admit I have a dark past and have made pretty poor choices in how I treated people at times. Sometimes I feel like all the good I did was always counteracted with bad things too. I ended up having a serious breakdown. I felt like everyone around me could hear my thoughts. I barely ate. I started hallucinating and thinking the television was sending me signs. Eventually it all came to a head and I ended up having a serious breakdown. I heard voices. They were voices of people I had burned and they were extremely aggressive,intimidating and degrading. All the signs I had been accustomed to seeing turned into nightmares. Everything was connected but it seemed so dark. It felt like my shadow had taken control of my being and it was all coming out to play right before my very eyes. I stayed in the hospital for two weeks and they medicated me. I ended up taking myself off of the meds because I felt like they were going to interfere with my spiritual awakening process. I am extremely afraid of my reality crumbling and all of the psychedelic activity that happens during the awakening process but I feel like my ego and my shadow both need to be confronted for what they truly are and dismantled. I pray that this process becomes smoother and easier to handle. I had never been grounded before I had my breakdown. I feel a lot more grounded and in tact with reality. I’ve read so much about ascension and the spiritual awakening process and I’m just hoping everything falls back into place and I am able to continue this journey without the schizophrenic episodes, psychosis or the voices. Thank you all for sharing your stories. It not only validated my own experience but it has also made me feel so much better about what I have gone through.

  18. Thank you.
    I to had a breakdown, and passed experiences which I’m trying to understand. Some of my experiences seem to correlate with the third eye opening descriptions I’ve been researching. It’s very hard to go through this alone, with no understanding of spirituality.

  19. I hope for the day when awakened ministers to those awakening…when we get over our misgivings of integrating dream time, vision space and shamanic turns of being into our process. The physiology of kundalini will reveal some incredible things…like the dopamine link! If we can manage to balance this naturally (which I think is possible) then so-called psychotics could bloom more dependably into awakening without the negative aspects like voices etc. But even these I wonder….could they be unresolved traumas that await release….has anyone tried? Could the voices just be the dross we all have but is amplified in part via dopamine response? Is the only difference the level of these chemical mirrors of awakening in our bodies….and so then could it be that what we label as the psychosis is possibly an opportunity in disguise (which no doc has yet sought to approach to find a way to work with not against it) ????

    More are waking up…we will need resources to assist….I pray no one has to go through the harsh punishing experience I did. It can be heavenly…it doesn’t need to be hard. I can dream.

  20. So….I have always been an openminded person… Eventually this led me to the inevitable conclusion of the “dreamworld” we collectively live in. I too was seeing everything moment to moment making sense to my thoughts etc. I had visions of “ascencion” places i couldnt explain….(and im really good at explaining things) lol. I saw the God head…which is basically a view from an incredible solitary experience and then as if you were going farther away..so far that eventually all experiences imagined shaped into one face, in a vast sea of darkness. I had visions of the world coming together through music….and that, reality is really only made up of that. It is a song/imagination. Because everything is energy, everything is a tone…vibrates at a high or low frequency..and due to our collective oneness..we are all apart of that song. The idea of “waking up”…is essentially everyone vibrating on a similar frequency range…which is why the idea of embodying the *feeling* of christ consciousness….would inevitably create a world of peace. The irony id say..is that in order to even do that..you need to believe its already the case within you, as the “one.” But the other aspect of this is…because this is obviously a difficult process for….everyone…(which again is only because we believe it is, which is due to the frequency range were radiating on)…are we really ready to see the world around us….become what we truly want? It may seem like ego…but unless we know wholeheartedly we already live on heaven on earth then how to we hope to see that manifest? I know everyone of you on here knows we are co creating the world…so does it make sense to believe its anything other then what we really want? And in that…arent we internally frustrated because we want to see that so bad, but convince ourselves we are not worthy enough to embody such high levels that would attain such. Creating a world of paradise…means believing you already live in paradise…the only reason we dont do this…is because it would essentially be destroying the illusion of everything weve ever known. For example “Well THESE people think this way so it will be a long time before we see change,”….who people? who are you talking about? You mean the collective God we are…your affirming that those people…dont believe? Why would you believe that another aspect of God…is anything other than what your truly hoping to see in the world?…….This is where trusing the process of life comes in handy. I have put myself through alot of self criticism for not being able to instantly see my world transformed…however…with every passing day..i realize..the beauty of the slow evolutionary process at hand…otherwise we would be so totally overwhelmed…we wouldnt be able to enjoy the moment. (Which is the goal.) I like to think..evolution is slow for a reason…and personally..i felt I jumped the gun, with my spiritual awakening, but all the meanwhile trusting in the process of life that no moment isnt the perfect moment. Einstein said if you cant explain somthing simply enough then you dont understand it that well. Well..here it is…this is a projection screen we collectively agree upon…if you reside in the high frequency of love and trust….you will flow effortlessly..and see the world around you change into what you want simply by *knowing*..its already that way…( i dont care how long it takes you hold the faith!) Jesus said….”Know thyself”…and when you know…that you live in paradise..heaven on earth….whats left to contemplate? I have strugggled with constant inner punishment for not ascending into the higher realms when seemingly offered…and yet…by doing so…i felt dissastiffied with where i was..which is probably the biggest red flag in my own personal spiritual development. We all want escape from the world we have collectively created…thinking “better must be somewhere else….cuz i sure dont see it” but…if we know..that the world we are living in can be raised in vibratory levels through our knowing that we are at peace..already…then that knowingness will radiate…and people will be affected by it. It does get easier….just remember…we are the one…which means….everything you tune into or dont tune into is relevant. This is you…talking to yourself…through another you….but also a reflection of the frequency range you happen to be radiating…..which will only get higher with more love of self….you shouldnt punish yourself or think your crazy for connecting with God… Is that fair? If you were a child…and you are lol…would punishment be an appropriate method for further growth? No. Grounding means..seeing it objectively….not allowing your emotions to get the best of you (i am not a wonderful example of this at the moment but getting better) so when your feeling happy….trust in that happiness…see the world around you…and just be grateful for existing at all. When you are loving where you are….the world transforms into that. If youd like to talk…im here for you….my email is bonnietoye22@gmail.com
    God knows..reading all your stories made me feel much better and helped me understand whats going on collectively a bit more. So thank you. <3

  21. Hi Paul.

    I’ve been medicated and living with psychosis for almost 3 years. I have lived without the psychosis effects for that duration of time. I’ve been having strange dreams i can’t explain.. and singing in my dreams with verses and lines i don’t understand. I guess music is the voice of nature/heavens. Anyway, I really enjoyed the fact that you see this as a spiritual emergence rather then a sickness. Are you living without medication? I have been working on some notes about the earth and divinity. And trying to work some logical sense of it all.. trying to be scientific and understanding. i’m not sure what i intend to accomplish but there is content in there that i wish to share with the world but not sure if i should. So i guess i’ll start here on your blog. I hope your spiritual journey leads you to a good place.


  22. In response to Alison C.

    Thanks for your comments. My life has changed and I am not sure why. I get bored easily now and can’t watch TV or listen to the radio for very long. All I want to do is sit on the computer and absorb information. Mundane tasks become painful. My taste buds have been altered and my hearing is quite acute now. I am withdrawing from family. You would be quite shocked at some of the things I am going through. Things that simply do not make sense. An earlier poster talked about this process as God’s doing. I am not so sure of that, it feels like some weird alien assimilation is taking place.

    Best wishes,

  23. In response to Paul D !!

    You are the first person I a have come across that feels the way I do. Knowing deep down that you have to make it through this spiritual journey alone and invisible. And Paul if we are sharing the same experiencing (one of which is seeing right into a persons soul its darker side enlightened or other wise) you will only have to read this to know everything I would like to say but cannot write.

    Take Care

  24. I am coping better with this experience and am happier now, though occasionally weird things happen that freak me out. I would surely have cracked up and been committed to a psychiatric institution long ago, were it not for the memory of an episode which occurred last autumn which, on reflection, was a warning of what was to come, with an exhortation not to be afraid. This episode occurred in my mind’s eye, and not as some miraculous vision. In human terms I am completely alone in all this, but the contents of that ‘episode’ have given me the strength to accept what is happening. Seriously, without it, I would have ended up at the bottom of a very tall building, or institutionalised at the least.

    However, that is not to say I haven’t become very disturbed at times. I continue to cause problems with electrical appliances. The battery on my Kindle has inexplicably died on me twice. The last time it shut down on its own. When I powered up again, it had gone from 72 percent to zero. A few nights ago a massive power fluctuation occurred with the bathroom lights, almost as if the bulb had blown. And the most shocking event (which I won’t repeat) shook me so badly I was afraid of going to sleep again.

    And in all this I have to maintain a normal life so that it doesn’t come crashing down. There are other things happening to me, but I do not wish to include them here because they are beyond human comprehension, so I try to note things as ‘matter-of-fact’ as possible.

    Best wishes,

  25. Hello all, as many others, I had a similar experience several years ago. I only recently see this event from the outside, as if I am no longer suffering through this. My fear of what was happening was in large part what prevented me from learning enough to actually reduce my fears and find peace. I will say that no amount of reading or education on the topics would stifle the internal turmoil, however, knowing that God has a purpose for everything and turning back toward Christ as my guide (not myself or what little I know), was what truly brought peace to my soul. Even the ability to rest had at one time become out of my grasp. And, eating seemed to no longer provide the nourishment that I needed to feel well. I was to ENCOURAGE you that if you have experienced, or are experiencing such a thing, it does get easier. Every day will not be filled with massively intense oddities that are nearly inexplicable. I do think that personally, my experience was due to a complete rupture of ego and I do now see the fragility in everyone and everything. I know that everyone is going through something, all deserve kindness and, yes, even you are experiencing life and are intended to do just that. Even just one smile at another can make someone’s day or save someone’s life. Not every action has to be intense to be purposeful and meaningful, yet each person has the capacity to be meaningful in this world with the simplest of actions.

  26. The space program has probably been the #1 instrument in promoting science to the general public. Why? it provides hope that we can reach beyond what we have here on earth and it reminds us that we are just one tiny spec of sand compared to the rest of the universe. It makes you wonder, “What else is out there?” Imagination and ideas take over after that. That is why people love going to Disney World. It’s also the reason why we have got to keep the space program fully funded.

  27. Spiritual emergence refers to the normal life-enhancing aspect of human development which seeks meaning and connection beyond our personal identity. This leads to a greater capacity for wisdom, compassion, and respect for all life as well as a deeper sense of personal security and inner peace. This growth can be challenging, even tumultuous, at times turning into a crisis known as spiritual emergency.

  28. I too am going through this nightmare they call ‘awakening’ And I am going through it on my own. I fear it is not going to end well for me. I have already had suicidal thoughts, and I am traumatised at the thought that most people who go through this end up in a psychiatric hospital at some point, which is very sad. I worry that I won’t have the energy to maintain this façade of normality indefinitely: that, at some point I will crack and have a full-blown mental breakdown in front of my family. I am nearly at that point. It almost happened last week. I had attempted to get on a bus to a nearby city to throw myself off a tall building, but my travel card had expired and the driver took it off me. I went back home and went into an absolute rage over it with my family. I wanted them to see I was having a breakdown (well, it was easier than talking shit about some ‘awakening’.)I was shouting at the top of my voice: “THIS IS NOT DOWN TO MEDICATION!!!” I had actually managed to convince them at one point, and they even made an appointment for me at the doctors. Then, something strange happened, and my parents were suddenly convinced I wasn’t having a breakdown after all.

    Now, here’s the odd thing. I haven’t a clue what all this is about. All this ‘love and peace’ stuff has not been my experience. Turmoil is about the best word I can use to describe my situation. I have had two brief episodes of what I can only describe as ‘deep peace’. The rest of the time I am suffering extreme fatigue/heat/cold, stomach problems, diarrhoea and nausea. Nice.

    Good luck to us all, we are going to need it.

  29. Hi there

    Thank you for such a wonderful blog, I had my awakening in December 2012 and have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals four times since then. I have experienced bliss, love, connectedness and a need to heal the earth. I have also experienced deep fear, the presence of demons and have come face to face with witches and devil worshippers. At times my fear would change into indescibable joy. I have been diagnosed with bipolar.

    The thing about awakening is that none of the people in my life understand it. That’s why I’m so grateful to you for this blog. At least there is a group of people who understand.

    Thank You

  30. Thank you for sharing Elisa. I wanted to mention something that has been helpful to me regarding full acceptance. When in group therapy at one point, my counselors called this “radical acceptance.” Calling it that high lights how difficult it can be to accept parts of ourselves that seem against our personality. Thinking of radical acceptance helps me recognize that it can be a difficult process and that’s all right.

    At the same time, full acceptance is a beautiful phrase. It makes me think of love and peace radiating from within, and I very much like that too.

  31. I am greatful to the author of this blog and the people who have shared their experiences of spiritual emergence etc.
    It helps me feel like there are others similar to me and therefore I am not so very weired. Nor am I so spectacular.

    I read what I wrote above and I think I sound both whiny and egotistical. …again, it is nice to get some affirmation that it is not so stramge to be mad or to have had odd experiences. Not really.

  32. I went throigh such an experience at twenty three. I had a peak experience, whereby I lost fear regarding my sexual identity. I was sexually harassed at work and during such a day I got this feeling of incredible self assurance and even invincibility. I believe I reached a level of intensity whereby it waa rock bottom. From then on it was psychologically that I had nothing to lose. Also I understood how what I believed was opposed to my identity was not, and how opposites that seem opposed can both be right when I thought they had to cancel one another out.

    On one level this great revelation was simply common sense. However, emotionally speaking, it was difficult to do – as was evidenced even by my manager’s inability to abide by the law and stop such harassment.

    I resigned from that work place, stating my experience but refusing to take any counter action. I resigned partly out of protest but also to get away.

    That peak experience guided me in what was right. It provided gut level clarity. What unfolded then on for the next one to two years would have appeared like PTSD or something close to schizophrenia. The sea got quite stormy and threatening at times, but I managed to stay afloat and felt elation and great joy from the confidemce I got. I had all these little wisdoms regarding my experience and humannature pour out of me and I started interpreting Jesus’ parables.

    I also joined a website for discussing spiritual ideas and there interacted with a remarkable man who had a great gift for putting into words explanations for spiritual thinking. He was a great guide.

    But I found that I experienced anxiety when I returned to working. And I also noticed that I did get stuck a bit in having an ego. When at work, i felt mild shock that there was at least one other person who seemed pretty advanced spiritually. I went backwards here. I think I also preferred withdrawal because there was no tension or pain there, and the experience was harsh.

    Since then I have tried to get on top of the anxiety disorder I had developed – I had always had some anxiety around people however. And having bounced back from this, my biggest obstacle, perhaps my onky one now, is sheer prejudice for long term unemployment in the past, and no doubt with this a highky discriminatory attitude to mental ilness or difference.

    I would suggest that negative attitudes to spiritual emergency go hand in hand with negative attitudes towards mental illness. Our cultures’ insistence on refusing to acknowledge or respect people when they experience an altered consciousness comes with a basic lack of spirituality.

    I think Joseph Campbell talked about how we don’t have myths o help guide us on our Heroes’ Journeys and so we are left to take our spiritual emergency journies pretty much with no guidance.

    I did not see visions or hear voices. My experience was less big, which is good in that it did not involve this sort of unsettling experience. Yet I still have found a lot of pain. I am still dealing with some prejudice about my experience and my struggle to get long term employment since. There is pretty much NO respect or understanding that Ihave achieved something significant.

    And instead I have often had to deal with people who have the attitude that I am simply lazy.

    The lack of appreciation from others, whilst being seen in terms of being a mental defective or a failure – it is all quite hard.

    I am greatful that recently I remembered an inner truth that I received with my peak experience – the one of full acceptance as one is. The understanding of full acceptance nevermind how unappealing one of my characteristics may be. And that only bydoing this can I even start to give my self the chance to then adapt my self to the world or know what I can change and can’t. Or what is right to ask to change and what isn’t- the Holy Spirit will show me it if I fully accept my self warts and all.

  33. Wow! Thanking you for some needed clarity. Especially with the white noise hearing ( I’d love to know the reasons for it as it near drives me insane not being able to quieten my mind and head) and the vision disturbances. I wasn’t aware that I could be seeing things from another realm, however I did have the brief thought of the same conclusion just yesterday, and then to come across it today. thank you xo

  34. Thank you for writing Paul.

    I’ve been awake for maybe a week, it’s hard to say exactly. And perhaps awake is an overstatement, because I don’t feel as much interconnection as many others talk about.

    What I do feel is immense compassion for every living thing I encounter. I no longer want to be right or better, and I wonder what those drives ever offered me in the past. I see most people in my life still driven that way, and from what I understand so far, I can’t show them this new, more honest and beautiful way to see the world.

    I see some interconnection. Sunlight and numbers I see seem like road signs, and when I accidently click a link on the computer, I don’t actually think it’s accidental any longer.

    While this new insight offers and beautiful way to see the world, I’m also overwhelmed and confused, at times suicidal. I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar and having OCD, although as I learn more about spirituality, I feel that may initial manic episodes were less psychotic than inspirationally divine.

    I don’t think I’m close to taking my life, and I see a counselor weekly who I’m quite honest with about this, but it sure is a terrible way to feel. I want to let my journey just happen, but the more I realize that life is but one vast moment, the more I feel incapable of patience. Maybe that makes some sense… it’s rather confusing in as I read it again.


  35. Kia Ora, I experienced a “breakdown” (spiritual awakening)this time last year, where I spent time in a psychiatric unit for two months. I had experienced childhood hurts inflicted by an extended family member, through that experience I suffered from low self esteem and feelings of guilt and shame that I carried into my adulthood. Because I had feelings of low self worth I seemed to attract other unsavory situations into my life, I had a number of traumatic experiences especially within the relationships I had with men, I attracted Men into my life that also had similar experiences and feelings for their own selves, and our relationships would end up quite toxic and abusive. When I was 20 I met a nice man and we fell in love really fast, I got pregnant within 3 months of meeting him, while I was in the first trimester of my pregnancy, he started to behave rather erratically, he ended up in a psychiatric ward, I supported him but had absolutely no understanding of what he was going through, he came out, both young we tried to move on best we could, then a few months later he began to act erratically again, he went back into the psychiatric ward and came home again, every time his behaviour became progressively worse than the last time, but I was young, we were having a baby I was determined to stay with him, I believed his mental health issues were brought on by his drug use, I pressured him to give up drugs. We had our baby. He was on medication, but I would encourage him to not take it, it would knock him out for most of the morning and I couldn’t take it, I had a baby to look after and I needed him to help me. He stopped taking his medication. When our baby was four months old, his behaviour became really erratic, he was hearing voices, he was starting to act violently, he never hit me but he was very aggressive, he would have conversations with the tv, he became delusional, I had enough, I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I told him I had a baby to look after and that I was leaving him. He really wasn’t well, he went “crazy”. The next morning he did a very violent, very public act, it ended up being national news, all over the media and he ended up in jail. I was so ashamed. I later found out that he had experienced his own childhood hurts, that he had not told me about during our relationship. We had a turbulent relationship for the next 10 years. I had no understanding of mental health or Maori spirituality, I just thought he was plain crazy and would never be ok. I didn’t want our son to have anything to do with him and I done everything I could legally to make sure his father wouldn’t have access to him. So 10 years went by and I experienced varying degrees of depression, multiple reasons why, I was never medicated for depression. But I was sick of it, so last year I wasn’t drinking, I don’t take drugs, I started to read selfhelp and spiritual books, I read around 30 intensely in the space of 6 weeks, I learnt about forgiveness, I put it into practice with my own childhood abuser, then I put it into practice with my sons father, we spoke and agreed that we would build on his relationship with his son. forgiveness was truly liberating, I felt set free, I was sooooo happy, It was like I was floating and I truly felt high, I really was the happiest I’d ever been, life was good. I felt Love for everything. I smiled at an elderly woman in the supermarket and when she smiled back, a surge of energy overwhelmed my whole body, it was truly beautiful, this woman showed me what true love was, I had never experienced such a feeling ever. Then it set off a spiritual chain, I believed that I was operating on a higher level of consciousness, I began to dream and piece together things that all started to make sense, it was more than coincidence, it was real. I had an abortion when I was 19 as the product of rape, My unborn son appeared to me in a dream and told me not to feel guilty I made the right decision, I had never named him, he told me his name. I awoke crying. I always knew that my baby would have been born that month around that date 11 years prior, so I decided that date would be his birthday, I went home and told my parents that “today would be their unborn grandchild’s birthday” my mother cried and said it was my cousin’s birthday, my cousin who had abused me and had suicided 14 years ago. I believed that my cousin reincarnated as my child I chose to abort to say sorry for the hurt he caused me. I could truly forgive my cousin and really Love him for what he did for me, I could forgive his actions and Love him for the person he was, no longer despise him for what he did to me. It was Love. A couple of weeks later Jesus appeared in my dreams, I was shocked I had always been anti religious, I awoke questioning why Jesus would come to me,I physically got out of bed and walked outside, it was 5am, as I looked into the sky, the sky was clear of all stars, although there were 3 stars aligned in an upside down triangle, I believed the two stars above were Joseph and Mary and the star shining brighter below was Jesus, Jesus showed me such love too and now I love him with all my heart. I became highly intuitive. Then I started to hear wairua(spirits), I could communicate with my Tipuna(ancestors) and others who had passed on, then I could communicate with others- living, I believed I was communicating with their higher consciousness. It was amazing and I started to play with my toy -my telepathic telephone. I didn’t have to ring or facebook my friends I’d just talk to them in my head. I went 14 days without sleep, it was too much fun, I saw things, saw tohu(signs, symbols), they showed me things, it was amazing…. then the voices became discouraging, they started to control my body, they could make me do things, i would listen to them intently and follow whatever they told me to do, the voices would abuse me, I started believing the whole world knew everything about me, every secret- I was so ashamed, then they pushed me well pulled me to want to suicide. My family were very supportive, they believed it was spiritual they wouldn’t have me put into a psychiatric ward, they took me to tohunga(shaman), matakite(seer), alternative healing. I saw my GP and she committed me. Medical practitioners had no understanding of what I was experiencing on a spiritually Maori level. I needed to be committed, I needed medication, I spent two months there. I thought some really crazy shit. My friends and my family were very supportive, they would visit and stay with me everyday, I was very lucky, I was able to recover.My family would constantly challenge the system, my drugs intake, challenge my psychiatrist that she had no understanding of tikanga(lore/practices) Maori. The medical practitioners drugged me up, I was a zombie, they would freak when my parents would take me out of the ward to see Maori healers. My son’s father became a huge support to me, our experiences were very similar, we had exactly the same thoughts and feelings during our own episodes. He supported me over the year to have a better understanding of spiritual and mental health issues and he encouraged me to take my meds, he said for himself ” We know we need food to sustain our wellbeing and for him he needs meds to sustain his own well being.” So my own feelings are that Matakite/tohunga are genetic, but mental health comes not through whakapapa(genealogy) but trauma- life experience. I went to see a tohunga recently and he told me that I was strong enough to overcome my mental health issues, that I needed to decipher what comes to me schizophrenically and what comes spiritually, and I understood him, the schizophrenic stuff is quite abusive and degrading and quite often my own thought interpreted into an intense and abusive voice that comes through, the spiritual stuff comes through quite differently, it feels different. I still feel quite vulnerable, so I still take meds, if I hear schizophrenic voices and am feeling anxious I up my meds ,but I know one day I may feel comfortable enough to not take meds. I can handle the spiritual stuff, I still communicate with my Tipuna and now I refuse to listen to the voices that they control what I do, I’ll be in control of me and I actually see my “break down” as a breakthrough, it helped me to overcome childhood hurts and pushed me to become stronger and now I feel a stronger person for it. Thank you Paul for sharing your journey so very similar to mine yet on the opposite sides of the world, Tino Arohanui (lots of love) from Aotearoa(New Zealand)

  36. Thank you for this post. At 19 I also went through this very same experience. My whole life I have had premonitions and dreams that would manifest in the day. It all reached a very scary head when I went into a full blown psychosis.

    To the world around me, I was insane. I was crazy talking parables and fasting for days. The voices I heard were at times violent and fearsome. I could not sleep, and everything I saw around me was connected to a deeper meaning that I realized no one around me could understand or imagine. I had to stop listening to music, watching tv. I wouldn’t even read a magazine. I went head first into the rabbit hole and gave myself to following signs, reading the sky and conversing or arguing with the spirit that I came to love and fear.

    Like you I was quickly medicated. So many doctors, priests, pastors, psychologists and family members convinced (or tried to) me that I was skitzo. The only thing that was wrong? There were to many coincidences… to many physical experiences. Too many dreams come true… there was no way I was crazy.

    But I was miserable and terrified.

    I stopped all medications when I became zombielike and had no relief from the visions, voices and epiphanies. It was not until I decided to be baptized. If my baptism was a insult to the spirit or nature of this inner awakening. I will never know.

    I know that ten years later I am more clairvoyant that I ever was before… but I keep that to myself. My dreams are more vivid and I have been stopped and told by many spiritualists that I am “sensitive”.

    Currently, I am the mother of a four year old daughter and the shadow of the fearsome person I was at 19 has not reemerged. I sleep well enough and the voices never returned. But I am guided… even when I do not want to admit it.

    I like what you wrote about the universe. I feel that way sometimes… that the universe opened to me. It sounds crazy. I know it. My greatest understanding is that we few will never fully understand the realm of what has occurred. We will be outcast for telling… I admire you for sharing your story.

    How many people are misdiagnosed? Many. We are many. And many that are touched are indeed touched by something sinister. I can attest.


  37. Thank you so much for your strong voice which affirms the sanctity of this process. It is indeed misunderstood and feared by many. In my own way I have also been enveloped by it and have been struggling to honor my inner experiences while staying connected somehow with the world I knew before. It often seems like that world has drifted away from me, along with those I used to know. I am still here, and yet what that means has changed so drastically. There is so much to soak in, and part of me wants to disappear into that vastness… but I must have a physical body for a reason! It is comforting to know that Jung also felt this strange call and succeeded in grounding himself into his family and work so that the wisdom could reach others.

    I have read other accounts like this, but your story especially resonated with me. It helped soothe the panicked voice inside my mind which questions my sanity and my worth as a member of society. It is so easy to become tangled up in suffering when no one else is there to recognize the intensity, depth, and importance of this experience! So thank you.


  38. I too experienced a spiritual awakening January 31, 2013. It was as though I had never breathed properly before, or seen the world for what it is. I never knew such a thing was possible. I woke up from the dream, and my life is so full of grace and beauty and love now. I live with so much less fear, and a deep peace inside. Miracles have happened to me. There are no words to explain the altered states I experienced, and the ways I have been changed.

  39. Hey
    My spiritual experience has been amazing as well. Dec, 31, 2012 was when I could breathe for the first time. I have completely lost my identity(ego).I have had dreams of egyptian symbols and amazing life revelations. There is nothing to gain and nothing to lose. I feel love, peace, and a happiness that I have never experienced in my human life before. There is a deep will inside me whispering to be honest,pure, and trustworthy in myself, because that is all there is. Live for the moment, in the moment, live the dream.

  40. hello there i am glad to have found this site, i have had an “awakening”. 3 weeks ago i did not beleive in god or the divine now suddenly i believe with my entire being with no room for doubt, i was having a hard time dealing wtih anger which was partially induced from the use of pro-hormones when one day i had a vision of the virgin mary, joseph and the virgin mary holding baby jesus with a serpant crawling towards mary and baby jesus this was one vision that unfolded in 3 sepatate parts it was awesome actually a falcon flew directly over my head about 25-30 feet up a i watched it cross a field and land in a tree after looking at this falcon in the tree i started to witness such said visions. the problem surfaced when i believed “i” was the christ although about a week ago one of my most recent visions i witnessed the virgin mary in the clouds, i turned the opposite way and saw a vision of christ with outstretched arms in the clouds also— instantly i was brought to total sanity ie relizing i am not christ but a person whom i wholly believe is blessed for i still see visions and believe there from the holiness of the universe or god/the crist concienceness. to fully disclose my lifes experiances with visions i have always seen auros since a child and also witness color bursts like for example when someone says something that moves me such as a spiritual or deeply loving statement i will witness a color burst arond there head usually mostly a blue color or variant there of . i have seen an angel 8 years ago i was in st.anthony’s catholic church in burlington vt. at this time i did not believe in angels or god or anything divine yet sitting in this church by myself i witnessed an angel-a radiant entity glowing a whitish type light and i could feel it giving of love and comfort it was huge and powerfull and awesome anyways i walked out of this church across the street to the “howard center” which is a non profit mental health facility in chittendan county, burlington vt. upon walking on the property i was met with the news that a female friend had taken her own life earlier that morning i proceeded to freak out and smached a wooden sitting bench apart like it was made of twigs, than subsequently hospitalized for several weeks now when i look back i relize i did really witness an actual angel. i also see demons there shadows that when i catch a glimpse of them they dart uot of sight very fast but i have no fear of them though i once did.unlike some of the other posts i am not totally 100% changed i still get angry/sad but am different to some degree i am working with a special group at the “howard center” it is helpfull on of the members of this team is a person whom i know and care about very much and i do take lithium and abilify a pretty small dose of both and it does help me — i am diagnosed with bi-polar. i am fortunate to have a great mom and girlfriend [x - as of mow actually] and a really good phyiacatrist and some good friends one of which is going to church with me this weekend.

  41. Hello, I am writing to you and grateful for your posting here. I am however very distressed not by my kundalini (which has passed) but by the fact that i was not honored and aided in my journey i was heavily medicated and locked away in a hospital. i have heard of people having multiple awakenings, have i missed my chance? i learned a lot and i know a lot of this universe, but im worried i may have lost certain abilities of distant discernment and healing. please tell me if i should continue the path with renewed vigor or if i have lost out.

  42. Congrats on breaking away from the medical system. They are asleep.
    I think my family has this mind virus, they don’t seem human anymore. They have apathy towards the crisis that is going on all over the world. IT is disturbing to me to see my family members show such indifference to suffering of others and even their own family members. I think their brains have been taken over by some imposter. There is something very very wrong with them. They are not fully in their bodies anymore, it’s very sad.
    I’m glad people like you are speaking out. Thank you. Keep up the good work.

  43. Paul, I was most fortunate to have a friend who knew what I was experiencing and to hold my hand through my awakening over the past two years. I can’t imagine the pain of going through it alone. Last year your Wetiko book was recommended and I found it a fascinating read. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

  44. I am a little more than 5 years past an extreme and intense spiritual opening that introduced me to the deepest expression of love for the universe,and simultaneously ended a lifetime of self rejection. It was a clear state of emergency for me and all who were part of my life at the time. It was also a time when great gentleness touched and transformed my soul.

    Interspersed with experienced moments of profound clarity and sensitivity,for which I had no real language, was an entry into what was sometimes a fleeting, and other times a deep dive into the space of psychosis. Although I rejected the care of those in psychiatry, even with required hospitalization I got better, not sicker.My friends were the greatest support and none of us had ever heard of such a thing as a spiritual emergency. I became increasingly aware or and sensitive to the energies, symbolism, and in born harmonious perfection in the connectedness of all of Life. For a time, I lost my ability to communicate in English (which is my native language) and could only rely on symbolism. My behaviors were sometimes erratic and out of control, as I worked through a kind of change from within and a final releasing of a lifetimes of traumas and pain.

    Oh, how much I would enjoy some interaction with others who understand. I found my way to CWG, Ken Wilbur’s materials, and a few other resources, but have yet to meet anyone who has experienced such an intense, abrupt transformation that resulted in complete loss of identity, for a new self understanding and life vision.

  45. Hi Paul, looks like our view is fairly similar. Just now listening to you being interviewed on madness radio. I also entered the psychiatric system, and at the moment I’m still an involuntary patient. My thought is that our essential nature is the same as all consumers/survivors/(ex)patients. Cheers David

  46. This reminds me of me. This is my story…

    The magician showed me that the rings were linked. He allowed me to inspect them and I agreed they were joined. Then he slide them apart and they both disappeared because they couldnt exist independently.
    And what I saw I cant quite define, because it was just my imagination. And yet it was the highest reality. It was the Absolute.

Leave a reply